The Journal of Truthful Fallacies

The Tower of London

We began our journey about 11am, arrived at Tower Hill (gate) at 12. Should have taken us about 20 minutes to get there. Yup. The tube was acting all weird again, only this time it wasn't because of a man under the train tracks at Holborn. In fact, I don't even know why-it just "terminated at whitechapel" and called it a day. Blah blah blah........we'll we made it anyway, found our way through the DLR (docklands light railway) and let me tell you, there is some ugly-ghetto like-shit around London, I mean, I really thought I was in the projects! Grimey, nasty, cloudy, ugly. :shivers: not what I was picturing in my mind today for events. But anyway, we got to Tower Hill, and decended into the tower. Big. Brown. Renovated. Interminable amounts of stairs. The Crown Jewels. The "White" Tower. The "Bloody" Tower. Actors pretending to be in the year 1066 and wanting the audeience to be interactive, not realizing that it is cold as HELL and people are pretty tired-but cute nonetheless. Ahhh...I could go on. (Will post pics later when I find out how to). It was o.k, BUT of course, because I am me, I had a less than stellar time.
Why?
Because some people suck.
It is true, see, I am convinced that I am meant to travel London and the world by thyself. It has gotten to the point where I am beginning to enjoy myself and walking by myself, and simply being myself more than others. I do not think I have ever been like this in my life. No, I really don't. How odd.
I felt like the third wheel with my american flatmate and another girl who I had seen around a couple times, an has been on a "hi" basis with for quite some time. At first it was supposed to be Sam coming along, but she had "work to do" and so then came the american flatmate's friend. She seemed o.k, but it was as if I wasn't there. And, well, I am not keen on being ignored or made to feel...hmmm, what is that word? Oh yes, that is right: invisble. Yeah, because that is the way I feel pretty much whoever I am with here-at least when I am in a group. When it is one on one, it is better. Much better actually. So...why the difference? I am not sure.
Well, I took some nice pics at least.....but I really should have gone by myself, as that is the only way I seem to enjoy things now.

But, the thing that strikes me is that, I am not anti-social paritcularly and I do like people.......so why does this keep happening to me? I DON"T get it! Is this the way it is going to be in Italy? for 8 days? I can barely do this for a full day. I really don't think I can take it. Worse comes to worse, I will simply haul of in Italy alone. I will do it; I SWEAR by it. I actually plan on going to the local Borders and getting a book on Italy......just to prepare myself, because really, sometimes, I cannot stand people. I really, really cannot. But, as I said before: I am in no way anti-social :smiles: and once again, I have made the post about me and not about the attractions I have seen. Yes!

posted by The Eternal Student @ 11:02 PM 0 comments

Am I Allowed?

Am I allowed? I mean, really allowed? Can I have a "not so hot day" here? Oh yeah, sure theoretically I can, and actually, I have. But, am I allowed to SHARE my "bad day" with folks home? I am afraid not. No. I am not allowed. When people think of studying abroad people think of endless times of fun and constant moving and shaking and glorious amounts of wonderful pictures.....people think it is almost similar to a vacation. Well, I am here to debunk the myth of the study abroad experience

Hey, guess what folks: there is actual work involved meaning, for some people their grades actually COUNT. Yup, that's right.
Oh, and guess what? A vacation according to www.dictionary.com is:

1.) A period of time devoted to pleasure, rest, or relaxation, especially one with pay granted to an employee.
b.) A holiday


Nah. Sorry. I am not on one of those.

People fail to realize that we are living here-not simply maintaing our existence here for an extended period of time-LIVING across the world from our families-all that we know-all that we possibly have ever known. And you know what? It is GREAT coming to another country to live-pushing the boundaries our existence-and it CAN be fun to visit different places, seeing the hot tourist spots.....places you may possibly never see again. And for this, I know that I, and many other students are grateful.
But here is the main point - this is what annoys me a bit about folks back home.
When they ask me how I am "doing" they don't want to know really. Uh huh. They want to know "what" I am doing. "what" I have seen and "where" I have been. They don't want to know that there are days when I want to pack my bags and literally leave-or when I miss people at home-the things that make America-America.
Why? Because that is depressing and when I state these things, it appears as if I am somehow ungreatful-but, as I said earlier, they forget: study abroad is not ONE big party and endless array of happines: it is an experience. And an experience encompasses the good and the bad.

After we all go back to the states, people will say "oh, great to have you back!" "show me pictures!" and make the typical "ooo's" and "ahhh's"when you open that scrapbook full of pics, and perhaps maybe we will bask in that light; in the knowledge that we got to experience something as theoretically wonderful as this. But, keep in mind that it was not always a grand ol' time, all 5 months...that would unrealistic-don't you think??

posted by The Eternal Student @ 10:31 PM 0 comments

Yesterday...(all my troubles seemed so far away)...

Not enough time to say what I want, as I am on my way to the tower of london in a few, but I thought I would randomly write that, I am afraid all my past friendships that have lasted for so long are on thier last legs. It is so difficult though, to meet people you really jell with-I mean really. Which is why I put up with a lot of shit people do to me, and I justify it by saying "oh we have known eachother for years" and "oh, that is just the way she is" but the truth is: So WHAT I have known the people for years and so the FUCK WHAT that is they the way they are; people change and grow up....and it is time some of my "friends" learn that. But no, they are stuck in their own minute world and cannot seem to grasp anyone elses but thier own. If I felt out of sorts about my friendships before I left, I can only imagine what my experiences I have had here (which will continune to set me apart from them) will do. Hmmm.....I much happier post was this supposed to be. BUt I had to get these thoughts out...because they'd been lingering in my heard for some time. Off to see the TOWER!!!!! Yay!

posted by The Eternal Student @ 10:53 AM 0 comments

Hollywood Memorbillia/Chinatown/ Easter!

On friday, on the way to pick up delicious BK after we found out the Muesum was closed, me and my American flat mate happened upon this little shop with TONS of classic photos, albums, and posters. I am such a classic film buff! But, I have learned from the age of 13, when I first began watching it, how to differentiate between bad classic films and good classic films. SO now, I only like the movies of the great classic people:
Cary Grant
Elizabeth Taylor
Ingrid Bergman
Katharine Hepburn
Audrey Hepburn
and Paul Newman.

I like other actresses of the time, but really they are a waste b/c they contributed nothing to the art form...these people's works are undeniable. So, I digress.

So, of course I have to BUY something from this little shope right? Well, I decided to wait until Saturday to come back and browse (a.ka. buy something) and believe me I was determined!
I picked up pics of Garbo, Hayworth, Grant and Stewart, Bergman, Taylor....and in the gbp terms, they weren't very expensive, but there is that PESKY conversion rate! Damn I hate Bush! Anyway, I couldn't but 5 pics! They were as cheap as 3.50 gbp to 5 gbp.....so I picked the one of Taylor in Giant and Ingrid Bergman in Spellbound ( I LOVE Hitchcock as well-my fave director!) anyway, their pics are hanging right above me as I write. I think it was a good purchase...$20 dollars in total.......

Next was Chinatown...I was also determined to buy something specifically chinese from here......so when I got back I could say, when someone asked of course, "Where did you get that from?"
"Oh, Chinatown in London" I could respond nonchalantly, but with a generous smile.

LOL.

But I didn't see anything I really wanted, except these little pocket purses that had chinese designes on them....I should probably pick one up for Victoria (she is asian but will appreciate it nonetheless) and my friend Maryann, who likes pink, and would probably think the purse was cute. But at 3.50-$500 bucks? Amazing how I will not think to spend 7 gbp on a Martini, but not 3.50 on a present? Yup. But I will get them something-all of them before I leave, but I think it is best to browse to find out where the cheapest deals are....there were some cute trinkets at Portobello rd too......I will have to go back.

Anyway, I continued on in Chinatown, marveling at the chinese language translations of everything, in some things-like signs there was no eng. translation at all! And all I saw where characters. I think the Chinese langauge may be the hardest to learn ever in history. But anyway, when I get my digital (I PRAY tomorrow-too bad they don't deliver today b/c it is Easter) I will go back and take cool pics, but not before I spend the entire day learning the ends and outs of the camera. lol.

Today is Easter, worldwide. I miss my mom. I miss my church-St. Patricks. I miss the choir, my guitar. :sighs: palm sunday is always the best, because I always bring back tons of palms for my mom and she hangs them around the house, shaped as crosses to bring good luck. I think it does. My mom is supposed to be home from the rehabilitation center this week. I cannot wait to hear her voice. I miss her so much. I wish I could have been there for the opperation, but I think that maybe it was best that I wasn't because it is teaching me how to deal with life-you cannot attempt to stop things, or have things your way all the time. And even in the midst of crisis, you cannot wallow...you must go on. During the week of the opperation I learned this. I had a big paper due for History and amazingly, I think I wrote it very well. Proving to myself that I could be strong enough for both her and myself and let life continue on. So, on that note, thank God for all our blessings, and Happy Easter!!

posted by The Eternal Student @ 1:49 PM 0 comments

A Little Tipsy While In A Limo Driving Past Buckingham Palace....

The day began properly: I went to portobello rd yesterday, well, Friday with my American flat mate. It was a very pleasant afternoon-different from when I go out with other people here. I didn't feel pressure or that I was just "there" and no one person was following the other-we were just walking around as it should be. Portpbello rd. is ridiculously long.....I think we only walked about 30-35 minutes and we only went a quarter of the way down the full blocks. I saw some cool memorbillia stuff.....1950's advertisement plates, like, things that say "You can do it!" with a very tough woman wearing a bandana on her head and flexing her muscles. Cute.

Originally we were supposed to go to the Brtish Museum (they have this killer mummy exhibit there) but it was "Good Friday" so they were not open. Now see, this is what I find mildy interesting: When the students first arrived here, Butler, our program said that no one really was religious here anymore, and that the concept of God was basically no good here; stating that England was far to liberal of for that anymore. If this is true, then why do businesses and the like close down shops and tourust attractions and such if religion is no big deal? C'mom-shutting down things because of Good Friday? In the states, well at least in Albany, we don't do that. But of course, Easter is a different story.....although now that I think about it, some people do have days off on GF..but....oh, who cares! The pt is that Britain is odd and they are such fakers!

Well, the b-day girl said that for her birthday she was having dinner, a limo ride, and going to the club. Now, to me the limo ride seems a bit...well, extravagant. I found out while she was a bit tipsy in the limo, that is cost her 200gbp for 2 hours ($400) and the clincher about this is that she was only in the limo for an hr, because we ran late to the Blue Elephant Thai restaurant. And she still had to pay! But, anyway, I was a bit nervous because I had never met her family, and didn't know what other friends she was bringing. So, I just played it real cool. Remained the quiet observer-but her sister and esp her friend from new york (who was supposed to see the play I ended up seeing-Shakespeare's Abridged) was SO nice, and they all really made an effort to be nice and include me-which was great. They were all a riot at the restaurant-laughing and joking, carrying on and such. It was awesome. When not feeling out of sorts, and comfortable around people I REALLY enjoy them a lot, especially anything that involves laughs!

SO, I had my 1st Apple Martini (YUCK!, I am SO not a drinker-really) and some different food that I cannot pronounce. I also tried duck-DISGUSTING!!! Yuck! How can people eat the little ducks? C'mon people! I mean, we are talking about those cute animals that float on water and waddle in the grass in parks! They are adorable! I put the tiny piece of duck in my mouth and a second later it was back on the plate. Nasty.

The limo was white and on the inside had a mirors on the ceiling surrounded by a string of blue lights. It was awesome. I had never been in a limo before, but strangely, I felt....hmmm....a little loney. Surrounded by 8 people and such in the limo who I, previouslly had no ties too, was interesting, but I think I was thinking how it would be to have my own friends there to experience it too. BUT I quicky got over that momentary lapse and drank two glasses of chanpagne to make me feel better. I took the glass and downed it-sips I mind you-sips! But fast enough for my body which does not respond well to alcohol I think. But the main thing about that night was that I developed a bit of a crush on the b-day girls friend. I had met him before, but see, he was funny that night, and I apparently was funny as well. And I think I found him attractive because of all that-oh, and the martini probably had an infuence as well. I tried to make conversation with him, in vain, which was prbably better than I could have done if I were "sober." Anyway, we were in the limo, passing by Buckingham Palace, Big Ben, London Bridge. the London Eye.....OMG. SOOOO cool! And it was a great night out too....the sky a dark blue.....it was so great. I loved it. Glad I went. Very glad.

In the limo I didn't realize that I was tipsy, I was just tired I supposed, but when I stepped out of the limo w/ my complimentary flower from the Blue Elephant-my god. I could not believe it. I could walk alright, and I could think properly, but I am pretty sure that others were not getting the same impression. I am not sure if I appeared drunk or not...but I think people suspected.
When I got to the tub station I really felt quite sick. I attempted to walk in a straight line....LOL, down the tube walk, and I did so-really well. Which means I couldn't have been really drunk. Anyway, people were watching me, but I didn't care. So, I got on the tube, and sat-ughhh! Thanks god I got a seat this time! I sat down and my head lolled, horrible! I just wanted to sleep. The walk back to Queen Mary seemed interminably long and when I tried to walk in a straight line down westfield way, I couldn't....I kept swerveing and I was momentarily scared because it was about 1 in the morning and there had been some shooting apparenly around here, and I was an American girl, walking back late at night, on the East End of London....tipsy. Dangerous. But I made it, and saw two other girls walking together ahead of me, so my fear soon ceased. I got back to my room and just collapsed on the bed.....but not before writing that stream of consciousness blog entry...ha....well, I had to record the day somehow!

posted by The Eternal Student @ 1:23 PM 0 comments

Two Days In One.......

tottenham court rd, classic movie shop, oxford circus, bk, portebello rd, starbucks

later: friend's b-day celebration......
the blue elephant: thai restaurnat, spicy food/apple martini, a zillion pictures,flowers as parting gifts, white limo ride through london, palace, london eye, london bridge, etc...., glass of champagne.....attractive guy in the limo who i'd met before, already taken, glass of champagne, club not entered, walk down oxford street..tottenham court rd station.....tube ride......tired eyes.....attempt to walk in a straight line in tube station...........down westfield way......maurice court...successful.....

now if only i could have a good....

posted by The Eternal Student @ 1:01 PM 0 comments

Today Part I

I handed in that paper-did it. Done. After completing it Monday, I finally really finished it with the aid of 4 hours of revision yesterday. This is why I never "rush" anything....see folks? Anyway, I handed the bad boy in after our last art class this morning....where, I spoke a lot and even got a "well put" by my professor! I was excited because I know nothing basically about art (cannot really say that anymore can I?) and I was able to contribute.

As we were "discussing' :clears throat: Gaugin and Van Gogh, a thought appeared to me: I think the only time I really feel confident with myself, at least my public self, is when I am in the classroom. Take me to a club and I have either
1.) A disaterous time or
2.) A panic attack (this only happened once to me, actually here in London when I ridiculously apprehensive about meeting people, and it was in the second week of being here. I was a lil bit nervous) Whether it was a real one or not, I was definately not going to stay and find out. Lol.

Anyway, when I really think about myself and the way I behave, I actually seem to come alive in the classroom-this is especially when I contribute in a class, or feel that my comments are being appreciated I suppose. I like to give my opinion and offer my insight which is why I suppose I have never really done horribly in classes in college.

I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing, all I know is that everyone wants to feel validated and appreciated at some points in their lives. I think this is what scares me most about graduate school-you are in a room with people who no equally as much as you do about the subject you study, therefore, everyone is equal. I am not sure, but I do not think that I was ever on the same level as other people my age. Now, before the eye rolling begins, I have to exaplain that I have always been percived in that "only-child syndrome" image. I am one if those people who looks/is attracted to things unsual, not common, not easily idetifiable. And well, that said, that is not what being a teenager is about. Being a teen is completely the antithesis of that.

So, with this in mind, I am thinking, I must declare my all time fear: being a no one.
Yup. That's right. I fear being an unsuccessful, unmermorable, disregarded, vapid presense in all areas of life. Uh huh. This brings me back to the point I made about feeling most confident when in class.....when there is a time when I am done with school, I better have an asskickingly good job, where I can excel in, because if not....well....I fear that day if it does not come....lol.
I'll have to give it all up and resign myself of being grouped with others in as a statistic relating to sufferers of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I probably alredy have it.... LOL.

I will miss that art class though, it is the only class of the 2 that I like, of the complete 4 that I am taking. Now, when I go to museum I can actually talk about the art instead of standing there gawking at it like a bumbling uneducated asinine idiot. Whew!

posted by The Eternal Student @ 7:58 PM 0 comments

Today Part II

O.k, so around 2 after submitting my work to the history department, I make my way to the Mile End tube stop, my stomache rumbling and my feet itching for unknown places. So I hop on the tube heading for what I believe to be a train going to West Ruslip- about the time we get to Bethnal Green (about 5 minutes) I realize that we are not going to West Ruslip, but the train "will be terminating at Liverpool Street" Why? Because SOMEONE DECIDED TO PUT THEMSELVES UNDER A TRAIN AT HOLBORN STATION PREVENTING THE MOVEMENT OF TRAINS GOING EAST OR WEST ON THE CENTRAL LINE.

O.k now, folks: who the fuck does that? WHO in thier right mind does that?? C'mon! That is ridiculously dangerous, not to mention a pain in the ass for the American who, although has become adept at taking the tube, had still not been to the hundreds of stations that exist in London! But, I digress.....

Hearing this news, I lift my eyes from Wright's Native Son and then count how many stops I am away from what was to be my original destination (Chinatown)....yeah, didn't quite make it there today. So, I get off, make my way to the Hammersmith and Metropolitan line, hop on, decide that I no longer want to go to Chinatown, but to Tottenham Court Rd. on the Central line (the one I was orginally one) so then I get off at a random stop and make my way to the Northern line that intersects the central line, manage to get lost, and have a nice man point me in the right direction

But; he ends up wrong, so I end up at Kings Cross which doesn't even have a northern line to get on! So, I wait for the next one, get off at Euston wait for the Northern line via Charing Cross and finally make my way to Tottenham, picking up the book Running With Sissors and having aless than stellar Vanilla latte from Starbucks and a very disgustingly sweet cinnamon roll-YUCK! But, I paied 3 pounds ($6) for this, so I am eating and drinking this for sure!

So, I walk out of there, after browsing, wondering how with all these books, and how much effort goes into writing, why there are not more writers who are millionaires....
I decide to look around Charing Cross a bit-there must be about 6 bookstores within less than a minute in all directions from where the tube station is: amazing that none of them seem to have an issue with competition-even the used book stores had many people in them.
So, I am, walking down the street and see a little street with what appears to be markets. Turns out they had tons of little set ups catering to the weird and eccentric with patches that say "Fuck you you fucking fucker" and "Does this patch make me look fat?' lol. They also had tons of glittery things that I like a lot-especially rings and necklaces which I do not really have a enough of. I spot this cute jewel encrusted ring in the shape of a huge butterfly (I have always had this thing for butterfly's and the color purple-my fave color ever!) So any way, the denied child inside reaches into her pocket and pulls out a 20 pound note grasping it in her hand:

"How much is this ring?"
"4 pounds Miss"
:eyes two different versions of the same ring for about 3 minutes:
"O.k....." :hands him a 20 pound note, thinking how nice a present this would make for Beatrice in the states or perhaps Alicia, or maybe even Dawn or Maryann...:
"Where are you from in the States?" he asks while getting me my change
"New York State"
"Oh really" :smiles: "I really like your American accent"he says nicely
"Thanks," "I like the British accent better, it always seems more dignified" I offer with simplicity.
:hands me the change: "Have a nice day young lady" he says as I turn away.
"Yes, you too" I say politely sliding the sparkely ring on my finger.

Why did I put this? Simply because it is the nicest, non political, "I hate-Americans-but-use your-products like the companies orginated here-and -we-steal-your-culture-and-pretend-like-we-have-one- conversation I have had here yet. Nice. Cordial. Complimentary. See, this is how things should be done. Really. Very good indeed.........!

posted by The Eternal Student @ 12:35 PM 0 comments

Who am I??

KRISTAL
K	is for	Kinky
R	is for	Rare
I	is for	Inspirational
S	is for	Striking
T	is for	Tolerant
A	is for	Ambitious
L	is for	Logical

posted by The Eternal Student @ 2:26 PM 0 comments

A Day Inside

Today, I ventured outside my single for about....3 minutes-max (and that was only to get dinner from the Villiage store-which turned out to be closed for Easter Break) Why. you may ask did I live like a professional hermit today? God...didn't you read the "Only-Child" post....

No,but really. I have that pesky 8 page paper due Wed. So, last night, after fun, I sat my ass down and read, and read and read about art and photography. "Oh, this is pretty cool" I admit to myself silently. "Wow, this is a good photo for 1867" I thought again. Pages and pages....then I had to stop.
Where the fuck is my paper topic?
What the fuck am I supposed to write about?
How the fuck am I supposed to grasp the entire nineteenth-century phenomenon of Photography and it's connection to art in 8 pages and make is decent? (meaning, get an A which apparenty the British never give)

So, I continued to read, hoping a ray of light toting a potential thesis would bless me.
This morning I awake, after calling the day quits at about 230Am (Hey, I got to sleep before 3-making progress!! :smiles:) but anyway, I get up at 8am randomly. Why?
No clue.
I sit at my computer, grab the 300 page books entitled Art and Photography and sift thought it's smelly and stained pages. Yuck! (I never did end up using the book, my paper may suck as a result of that, but I draw the line at using an old decepit books that were constructed when Elizabeth Taylor was at the height of her beauty. Yup. That long ago.)

So, I move on to the other papers and to the half of page I managed to bullshit last night. I mess around on the net for about an hour, blast music in my ears to wake myself up-but by 9, my ass is back in bed. Dead ass tired.
I do not wake again, until 1pm. Gulty ass hell, and only a day and a half to finish the paper before going into a stress related coma.

And guess what? Today was alandmark day: the first time I have ever finished a paper in one day. (not in one sitting-who does that??). I am proud of thy self.

I made a deal with another girl in my class, Sam to meet with her at Rostars tomorrow so that we could reviews eachother's papers. I have missed those vanilla lattes!

Today, I ordered in, and asked my American Flatmate Sarah to order w/ me. Another first: for the first time, I actually sat down at the 6 seated dinner table in the kitchen here. Wow. We ate our lackluste Papr John's chessesticks (W/ NO Sauce provided-wtf is wrong w/ them? I just gave thier asses 21 american dollars for 2 boxes of cheesesticks, potaote wedges, and a large pepsi!) Not to mention, I decided about 5 minutes after I ordered it, that it was a waste of money (I could have just eaten frosted flakes and called it a a day but NO, I wanted real food for once. Ha!

Nonetheless we ended up having a good convo. However, I did find out she voted for Bush (In the states, I simly would not tolerate this, but in london, do as the londoners do: tolerate) and she is a Poly Sci major (see, I KNEW none of those people really ahd sense) But she is really nice, and I just so happened to ask her if she had seen many typical sites, she said no, and she suggested that me, her and Sam go around London Easter break to the Tower of London, Madame Tussad's and London Bridge....so I hope to go with them and

ooo good news! I have a digital camera! Yay! Ecstatic. At first I felt bad...."do I reall need a digital?" I asked....now I am convinced. It is an investment I said. And my cousin agreed with me (a first) and she will be sending it prompty when she gets it.

So, yes, that was my day inside to today. I would say a pretty good day, very productive indeed! :nods: lol.
oooops, 255am, time for sleep!..so much for that progress I was making....

posted by The Eternal Student @ 2:55 AM 0 comments

Leicester Square/ Shakespeare Abridged

Today I left about one pm, and hopped on the tube to Leicester square to meet my friend and her sister who just came abroad, so that we could have lunch and see the comedic play Shakespeare Abridged-which is a 98 minute show consisting of ALL of his works. Amazing feat right? Well, they actually did it! And it was HILARIOUS!!!!
(all in a very crude way, but funny nonetheless).

Before the play, we decided to eat at Planet Hollywood-the food was amazing-
bacon was actually cooked all the way-to the point where it was crunchy-awesome!
I also had my 1st alcholic drink since I turned 21, a pina colada called Legally Blonde after my fave Reese Witherspoon movie (after Cruel Intentions that is) it was really good! Loved it.

Then we saw the the play. Funny as hell-but not quite worth the 27.50 pounds charged to go (felt more like a 10 pound show to me!-lol) -at least not in currency convernstion terms. The play was very slapstick and witty-and were lead by Americans! Go figure! I loived it-they managed a slap at Flordians, Canadians, and of course, Bush (twice!) and thus, America. But we all laughed and it was a "jolly good time had by all!" Very fun and interactive show

I am more than excited about Italy now-really excited in fact. I cannot wait to see the sites! I am trying so hard to get a digital before I go. I am thinking I will order one off of amazon tonight, then tell my cousin to fed-ex it to me (a friend here says I should get it in two days) so.....perhaps I will get it by the end of next week? I really want one now, and I am so stupid for not getting one before I left the States, thinking it would be "too expensive"-HA! I saw one online for $164 (man, I miss that American money sign!) So I am going to e-mail my cousin right after this posting and tell her to send me it and the rest of my summer clothes as well.

Well, that is it for today, I have a bit of a headache now, and I must begin reading and writing for my paper due on Wed. I really wish I were going to Morocco and not in London this up coming holiday.......:signs: oh well. I guess it is better than being in the States eh?.........

posted by The Eternal Student @ 7:49 PM 0 comments

Hotel Rwanda Redux

I forgot to mention in my post yesterday that the girl I went to see the movie with, left the movie half way through. Tears were falling out of my eyes and I starred at the blurry images before me, she turned over to me and said, quite defiantely: "I am not going to be able to make it through the rest of this movie" "No, I said, hoping she would finish what I thought would be a highly worthwhile experience. But it seemed as if she was more upset than I noticed and sounded angry, so I got up as to let her out the aisle and she continuned out the door.
As you know, I did indeed finish the movie. I understood her correctly, I did not undestand at all.

But, later, she wrote about the movie in her blog....it is obvious that she felt very much about the film...and on AIM, I told her how I was so moved by the film....and stated that she was too, but in a competely different way. Apparently the film made her angry as well as hurt. What I didn't understand was the anger. Why? Well, because she believes that the Whites pitted the Rwandan's against eachother, as in dividing them as "Tutsi's and Huti's (I am most likely not spelling this right, but I digress) and she said that it was essentially White's fault for the fact that they left the Rwandan's to die.

It is true that the UN at times were utterly and ridiculously hopless-as played very well by Nick Nolte's character. But it was in the end, the UN who succeeded in saving familes and children as well. And no, the other nations, (Whites essentially) in no way stepped into help.....

While not disputing these facts, at the same time I ask: why did the Rwandan's have to BUY into that clear division? They have lived in Africa-it is THEIR land, THEIR people, THEIR way of life. One cannot forget that in every situation, there is always the element of personal responsibility that has to be taken my individuals involved.

The corrupition of Africans and African Americans is a running theme through history-but this not only is a about Africans and African Americans but the rest of the world- both America and Britain. (why do you think they call it GREAT Britain, or there slogan so popular in the 1890's at the height of thier imperialism: "The sun never sets on G. Britain."

There is an "Us---Them" mentality that Blacks have concerning whites. And some will say that this is merely a refelction of the "Us---Them" mentaliuty and treatment of Blacks that has existed since the Atlantic Slave trade. I cannot speak for white people, only for myself. The reason I think Blacks do this is because they believe that they have the support of other races. We are a minority in America-but not the only minority; Latinos and Asian's are as well. But the difference between them and us are that they have a connection to the places where they came from-whether is be China, of even Puerto Rico-they KNOW where where they come from.....and to top it off, the Latino's of this country, are quickly surpassing Blacks in numbers and longevity, for the first time ever I believe. Now we are the second of the three minorities.

Now, if Blacks continue to have this view of Whites (Us--Them) what happens when it is no longer the Whites surpassing us, but the latino's too? And we already know that the Asians/Chinese are on a level of thier own...quickly surpassing us educationally.

I don't know sometimes. I really don't. I think that Blacks are, essentially, their own worst enemy-it is the psychologically stifling and hurtful memory of slavery that still binds us and effects us. No matter the fact of the Civil Rights, or the Black Women's Movement or what have you, we STILL look at Whites saying :you are the problem, you did this to us, you do not want us to succeed!: forgetting that we owe it to ourselves to live life the way WE want to, not the kind of life prescribed by another race. It is time for Blacks to take personal responnsibility for themselves and their actions.

However, I am in no way saying that racism does not exist, or that Whites do not try to cripple Blacks-it is obvious they still do-for Affirmative Action is still and place...and I fear the day when it will not be. But, we need to look at ourselves not in a racial context but as individuals. We do have a part of ourselves that is not connected by skin, but by the fact that we are all merely humans. The sooner we approach ourselves and society this way, the more progress we will make.

posted by The Eternal Student @ 1:09 PM 0 comments

The Only-Child Syndrome

When I tell people, or when people find out that I am only child, I recieve many reactions, however, none are so frequent as:
"Oh, then you must be spoiled." Entirely straightfaced they state this with all sincerity, as if it is really true.
Personally, I was always too poor to be spoiled, so I scoffed at this myth that surrounded my childhood.
But I did, however, always have my mom's attention and never had to compete with others (which is probably why I hate competition today, since
1.) I have a highly competitive nature and
2.) I hate losing (since when you are an only child, there is never anyone else around who could beat you!)

So, with that said, I am convinced that this kind of childhood has something to do with what has been going on here in London. I seem unable to really connect to people here. This never happens at home. It is as if there is this blockage of some sort-disabling the execution of thoughts and speech between me and people. There are some people here I just cannot get with-I cannot. And I try over and over to force myself but it doesn't work. Ever. At first, I thought it was me-I really did, and I still do, but I find there is an effort that has to be made with people, that I have never had to deal with before.

I am not one who tries to PUSH relationships/friendships. If they happen, they happen. If not, wasn't meant to be then I guess. Right? But here, I am constantly pusing, trying, and the worst thing is that nothing is happening. Hmmmm....

Being here is fun. I love the feeling of independence and freedom and the sights, sounds, flahes of light, "everything at your fingertips kind of thing"-completely amazing! But....I sometimes think that something is not quite right....and I am trying to figure it out. Really. Being an only-child is not a negative thing, I think, but I do think sometimes that if I had a sibling, I would be able to at least fake geing receptive to people. But I cannot, since I am not one for fakery. If you are not interesting to me, I will probbaly not associate with you. End of story.. In doing this, I have attempted to alter the definition other have of me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. After all you cannot change people's thoughts of you-they are what they are!

I find that the only child label and the stereotypes that surround it, have been following me around for the last 21 years...lol. Like, if I get that "you should stop being so introspective and anti-social" speel again, I will shoot the person who said it, personally, with my own gun. It is so funny how someone can tell you about you. It is like, how can they? I guess this is what happens when people have been telling you about yourself for years, to the point that you no longer know who you are. This is what growing up is, finding a definition of yourself. I thought I already had that definition, but is seems as if it needs to be revised. Only, I wish that others would see me, as I do. Does that ever happen in life?

OKAY!!!!!!!! Enough of this deepness!!!! Blogs are for fun and shit right? Well, actually, probbaly not my blog......LOL. My blog are for random stream of consciousness thoughts..................LOL.

There is not much time left here, about 10 weeks for me. I am shocked, there is still so much I want to do! I think that these last few weeks will be spent cramming things in, in pictures and experiences. Which brings me to my Carribean food and Hotel Rwanda experience.......the movie still stirs me, the morning after...........but I first must be off to either of these destinations:
2.) regents park
3.) princess diana's memorial in lensington gardens
1.) and getting a damned digital camera!

Out in ANOTHER beautiful day in London! The third day in a row!!!! Yay!! :smiles chessily:

posted by The Eternal Student @ 3:59 AM 0 comments

Hotel Rwanda

Hotel Rwanda.

Amazing. Gripping. Don Cheadle is brillant. Point blank. Here is the review I left on www.imdb.com:

Heart-wrenching, Inspiring, and Enlightening

I just got back from seeing Hotel Rwanda and in attempting to write a review, I find that all my words are lacking and are inadequate as well. I cannot fully describe the extent into which I was drawn into and moved by this film.I cried and laughed and rejoiced-the full gamut of emotions. Don Cheadle should have won the Oscar for this performance. I do not care what the Academy voters think-HE deserved it for his performance of a man, simply trying to keep not only his family, but innocent people from harm.The woman who played his wife, (sorry, I cannot remember her name) was just as excellent as Cheadle. I also commend the thousands of extras who composed this film-especially the children.Heart-wrenching, inspiring, enlightening, everyone should see this film. You will not regret it.

I thought that that pretty much sumed it up-but actually, in reality it doesn't
Wathcing the movie I cried-I felt such pain-an almost physical kind of pain of the heart when one realizes that while you gone on with you life, and crazy ramblings, things like this go on in the world. When the Rwandan genocide was occuring in 1994, I was 10 years old. I would have been psychologically impaired after this had I lived in it. There would be no going back to normalcy for me.
This is the same thing that I thought when the fire occured in my home December 22 2003, but my mom and I made it out of the house safely. But there was/is an immense kind of pain, losing everything-your life. That is the same thing those Rwandan familes went thought-they lost not only their homes, but a part of themselves-their world.

Heartbreaking.

I dabble a bit in numerology (www.numberquest.com) which is the belief that every letter in your name stands for a number, and when adding up the letters of your full name, you release number vibrations. Such as a Life Path Number, Destiny Number, Personality Number (the personality you exhibit to others) etc.....mine, for those who care to know, are predominately 9 and 1

Life Path=9
Destiny =1
Personality=1
(and other calculations such as Maturity number, etc... equal 1 as well)
But what I am getting at, is that 9 is the number for humanitarianism. Giving and recieving. Selflessness.
Hotel Rwanda stirs up humanitatian aspects in my nature I think. I just want to go places and heal, help-see the smiles of happiness on childrens faces. To make people feel better.

And what about those '1' s you may ask. Well, those ones represent the focus of oneself on....oneself. This is the "me me me" number, but it is also the number of the independent, the individula, the pioneering. But mosty, too many ones can lead to..well....selfishness......The numbers 1 (the beginning) and 9 (the ending) are polar opposites....which brings me to my next point:

Contradictorily, right now in my life, I am very, very concentrated upon the development of myself, my life. Trying to get my life the way that I want it to be. Trying to make myself who I want to be. But I definately see myself, in my later years, devoting my entire life to others existence. There is no way to help others if you, in fact cannot help yourself....right? I believe so. This all leads me to writing. My ultimate goal is to be a working writer. Writing is a medium in which I would like to point out my observances and shed light on subjects to make people think in different ways about things they wouldn't normally think about.

You have probbaly figured out that I have lofty goals. I profess that I am a very ambitious person (sometimes that ambition is not executed as much as it should be in terms of action, but hey, at least I have some goals right? lol)

If I could singlehandedly bring back the relevancey of poetry for a new generation-OMG. I would be so ecstatic. I write poetry, but who reads poetry right? Besides the poems you were made to read for high school english classes, and some lit course in college, how much do you read? What I don't think people understand is that poetry (and literature in gen.) reflects societry-there is a reson why when approaching something from a historical perspective they refer to literature, or to philosophy-they consult literature as well. Literature is the link between all worlds I believe including, even business when it comes right down to marketing a book for publishing as well.

People ask "Who reads books anyway?" Well, if books are not important then why are there a Borders and Barnes and Nobels and countless others internationally? Why are those places always packed?

My goal in life is to have people of all walks of life read my work and enjoy it. I would love to be as popular as Stephen King and in the literary canon like Toni Morrison, that would be excellent. Simply being known for my efforts is a good start. Don't you think? My mom has always told me that I need to climb down from my ideas and get a grip. Possibly, but no one ever gets anywhere by keeping their feet on the ground.

So there you have it. My thoughts of Hotel Rwanda, and the polar opposite of energiers that I am composed of.....stay tuned for the next entry in which I decide that I can be an astronaut and an olympic contender as well. LOL.

posted by The Eternal Student @ 1:21 AM 0 comments

I had decided long before 5pm (me and Ybelka's designated meeting time on AIM) that I had wanted to go to Scotland. I just did. I wanted to go for mainly two reasons:
1.) To FINALLY go someplace that wasn't in England and
2.) To go somewhere with my roomie.

Now, I am going nowhere now March 24th-27. Nope. No where. I am three things:
1.) Depressed
2.) Madn
3.) Hopeless

I WISH there was a way to go back in time-preferably to the beginning of february, when I could have either:
1.) PLanned to go somwhere like Spain for reading week or
2.) Planned to go somewhere for these random 5 days we have off for Easter (over here).

Up until this point, I was very happy today-I really was. I really, really was. Just because the sun is shinning does not mean there is joy-I wanted to be happy and carefree today-to plan the trip to Glasglow and move on with it. BUT NO.
Ybelka suddenly, with the help of her very smart sister (and I mean this) convinced herself that she does not want to go to England for two reasons:
1.) She does not want to be in debt and not be able to get out of it and
2.) She (most likely) didn't want to even go to Scotland in order to be in debt. Apparently, Scotland just wasn't worth it.

Well, this whole trip to fucking London apparently has not been worth it.
I plan, and plan, and plan. I have great ideas;lofty goals-and now that I think of it, I probbaly have high expectations too, because nothing I EVER want to happen, happens the way I want it to-nothing-ever-nada. I wanted to come to England to see sites and learn to be independent and I have not seen many of the sites I wanted to see, and nor have I become independent as I have no regressed to the confidence of that of a small child who does not want to be alone in the sandbox for sadness of being alone, but does not want to be alone in the sandbox for fear of being alone while other are on the playground next door have a perfectly grand old time. See the point?

Yup. Maybe I am dramatic-maybe I need to 'calm' down, but the scary part is, is that I AM calmed down, and no, I do not see myself as dramatic-just highly emotional is all-and I, unlike millions of Dr. Phil lovers and self help book reading people, am not ashamed to say that I am very upset and disappointed now.

It would be ridiculous to say it has stemmed from todays "no Scotland trip," nope, it is not that at all. It is probbaly a who bin of things rattling me that I am unaware of, and probbaly won't be aware of, until later when I re-read this rant.

I am not happy.

I want to meet Danielle in Madird or Barcelona
and go to Italy (if at all possible,with Ybelka-this be known by the end of this month I suppose when I find out my final exam schedule)

That is it. Good day folks. Why am I so riled up because of this??? WHY??????

posted by The Eternal Student @ 6:40 PM 0 comments

London Morning

:Breathes in fresh London air:, :sighs wistfully:
It is an asskickingly great day today!!! I LOVE it! It was sssssssooo beautiful yesterday-comepltely unexpected as I anticipated just another day of clouds and rain, but I steped out, and the sun was there to greet me!(but it did in fact, retreat later and then sprinkled-lol)

Today, it is the same, and in anticipation of today, at the ungodly hour of 345AM I decided to check the weather for the next day (even though it was the next day-lol) and planned my day accordingly, deciding to go to my fave place in London: Oxford Street. I have NO clue why I like here there so much, maybe it is the name? The endless array of shops that I refuse to enter into for fear or lack of funds? Or is it the way the street goes on and on into other incarnations, such as New Oxford Street and Old Oxford Street...? Who knows! But, I decided to get real and go to Poundland (their equvalent of the dollar store in the States, but when I buy something from the store, it is not really a pound, but 2 American dollars-which may or may not be still a bargin.) But, they have good products there....

Tomorrow: Hotel Rwanda (I wish Don Cheadle had beat the "favorite" and won the Oscar! I always-always root for the underdog! If I wanted him to win before even seeing the movie, imagine what I will think of him after! It is supposed to be great! I am excited......and before that, I am finally making my way to Brixton, an all black town in S. London......I am like the only Black American who has not been there yet....so I feel obliged to do so (I will have lots more commentary on my view of African Americans vs. Black Londoners later). Plus, I want to venture out and get some Carribean food.....I just hope it tastes good, nothing annoys me most than food that I paid for that I didn't like....

Oh, and yeah, the war in Iraq and Bush, but you get the idea......

Random: Danielle's in Italy! Hope you are having a great time!!!!!

posted by The Eternal Student @ 11:38 AM 0 comments

Sleep Deprevation and the Arrogance of Others....

I have not slept in forever. Like, a really good sleep, when you wake up in the morning actually refreshed and regenerated and just.....actually happy you got your 8 hours of sleep in? Yeah, I haven't had that for quite some time. And, it is getting out of hand. But this is boring right? No. It is my life of course it is not boring-I make things exciting, so here it is:
No sleep=no motivation=extreme tiredness=not doing work=bad eating habits=continuous repetitive sleep depriving habits.
So, you see: everything in life is cyclical. yes, even your sleep deprivation and the consequences of it. I figured last weekend that if I got one day of full rest, I would be o.k, but no, I really think I may have extened it, and now my body is attempting to maintain sleep mode......but there is work and ominous planning to do!

When coming from the dreadfully unorganized Senate Library in the city today, I thought of all how I listen so much more since I have gotten here, to people I mean. I don't know why, but it is as if I really never heard people or knew then before. Maybe it is just me and my change of location, but it seems to me as if everyone is full of themselves-I supposed everyone is, but I have heard, over the past few days, more arrogant statements than ever before from people.
I get the particular sense that there are some who just are completely enamored with themselves-you can hear it in the way they talk to other people, the way they interact, the way they just are. I was struck my this, sitting in my Contemporary Writing class yesterday, this girl was litteraly running off at the mouth-and the person she was talking too literally did not have a chance to speak-except one syllable or at the most two syllable words like this:
uh huh!, yeah..., I know!, right! and etc.....and you could tell she wanted to say more, but couldn't because the girl wasn't letting her.

Now, I have to admit something; cannot STAND the girl who was yacking off at the mouth-she is the most arrogant and "know-it-all" person I have met here yet. She is also, convientely the must fucked up person I have met here and manages, through her incessant chattering, to cover it all up pretty well. Except, well,. I see through the bullshit. She is as phony as it gets (met a LOT of those here too) and completely in love with herself, which is great-if there was something remotely appealing about her personality-which, there isn't so......

But anyway, I have decided to base a chanracter in one of my stories on her, a kind of female character comapnion to Theron Ware in the novel, Illumination (as it is called in England) or The Damnation of Theron Ware as it is called in America. I will ot include the character sketch I made in class based on her here now, but randomly place it in another post.......

Well, I think that is enough for now. I have managed to write alot, but did I really say anything? Who knows?
Lol.

posted by The Eternal Student @ 3:09 PM 0 comments

When I think of all the countries I have considered......(today, part I)

You know, when my friends Danielle and Ybelka and I decided to come abroad, meeting up to see eachother in our designated counties (England, France, Spain) seemed highly probable; after all-who goes to Europe and does not see thier friends in neighboring countries?

We do.
Apparently.

First, it was Morocco- a mishap that was completely the fault of me and Ybelka-respectively. See, we are poor folk-now I KNOW what you are thinking right? "Well, if you guys are so poor, then how did you get over to Europe?"
and to that I say, "Good question!" We took out loans (that would be since I am the laziest person ever) and we worked goddamn hard! (that would be Ybelka and Danielle). Now, I do believe that me and Ybelka however may be the poorest study abroad students in the history of study abroad-LOL.

So, yes, Morocco is now a no go. Well, how about Cairo and Alexandria (how cool! we get to say we went to Egypt-na na na na na!!!)
Yeah, o.k. Right. For like 500 dollars??? PLEASE. Sure, we know we are gonna be in dept-but that doesn't mean that we really wanna be in an all time high can't get out it debt. That would be ridiculous and really hard to pay off!
Greece was initially considered by both girls in February....but we are soon realizing that, there are so many places to go, and simply not enough time! (or mooolah-most importantly) But this evening, I thought: Hey! Lets go to Greece! Well, unless I want to pay 600-700 dollars for a flight, that is not going to happen. And guess what? The cheap airlines: Ryanair, EasyJet-don't even go there! WTF?????
So, next on the List:
Scotland. This is the second time someone has hopped online and said 'Kristal, lets go to Glasglow" and I am like...."umm....o.k...never really thought of Scotland like that but....for how much?"
See, and today, this evening was what I call the Clincha (pronounced cleennchaaa) as in Clincher with an accent. I can apprarently go to Scotland for 153 american dollars. That is great! Excellent! Fantastic!
Except, I don't really wann go. (I know right now I gets no sympathy from whoever is reading this, but so be it man, so be it!) And to top it off, there are really cheap Hostels, and I DO want to see my friend, but Scotland? That is wack.
Tomorrow we will meet again on our friend AIM (what did study abroad students do before AIM to keep in touch w/ eachother?) to figure it out. We will probably go, but I REALLY wanted to go w/ her to Spain (she went already the sneak!) or Italy (I am already assigned to go April 9th with a bunch of girls here) but still, nothing could compare to travelling Italy w/ my roomie from last semester! :cue sighs and awwws: .....I just want to meet with my friends man! That is IT!!!!

posted by The Eternal Student @ 2:52 PM 0 comments