Monday, September 26, 2005

Untitled

I wish I had someone to love and someone who would love me back. I think everyone secretly, or maybe not so secretly wants this. I never really wanted it before, and I now wish I could go back to that time where being smart and independent were my trademarks, and I did not always feel the pressing need to belong and be held.


Ugh. I think I am going to throw-up.

I am looking around at everyone paired up. I want someone to understand me too, someone who is interested in what I think and say-what I feel. Someone to go to the movies and such with...just someone.

Friendship doesn't cut it anymore.

My friends cannot give me everything. Now, I think I understand what people mean when they act gluded to the hip to their new boyfriend and seem to forget about the friends that gave them support along the way. I guess guys have that certain touch, that quality that you cannot get from someone of the same sex. Before I could never understand, but now I can see how something like that could happen. How one person could take the place of so many others.

I feel like, sometimes that I deserve a really nice guy. I am a nice person. Funny when I let down my guard. Somewhat cute on somedays. Smart. I have travelled. I am ambitious. Can be independent. So what is the deal? Why can't I just find someone who I connect with? Why am I still alone at the age of 21? I am going to be turning 22 in January......22 and no one still?

I know I have tons of other things going for me, but stuff that used to cut it, doesn't anymore. Nothing that used to be ok, or that was shoved in the backround is ok now....

:sighs:

I want light. To be in the midst of light.

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