The Only-Child Syndrome
When I tell people, or when people find out that I am only child, I recieve many reactions, however, none are so frequent as:
"Oh, then you must be spoiled." Entirely straightfaced they state this with all sincerity, as if it is really true.
Personally, I was always too poor to be spoiled, so I scoffed at this myth that surrounded my childhood.
But I did, however, always have my mom's attention and never had to compete with others (which is probably why I hate competition today, since
1.) I have a highly competitive nature and
2.) I hate losing (since when you are an only child, there is never anyone else around who could beat you!)
So, with that said, I am convinced that this kind of childhood has something to do with what has been going on here in London. I seem unable to really connect to people here. This never happens at home. It is as if there is this blockage of some sort-disabling the execution of thoughts and speech between me and people. There are some people here I just cannot get with-I cannot. And I try over and over to force myself but it doesn't work. Ever. At first, I thought it was me-I really did, and I still do, but I find there is an effort that has to be made with people, that I have never had to deal with before.
I am not one who tries to PUSH relationships/friendships. If they happen, they happen. If not, wasn't meant to be then I guess. Right? But here, I am constantly pusing, trying, and the worst thing is that nothing is happening. Hmmmm....
Being here is fun. I love the feeling of independence and freedom and the sights, sounds, flahes of light, "everything at your fingertips kind of thing"-completely amazing! But....I sometimes think that something is not quite right....and I am trying to figure it out. Really. Being an only-child is not a negative thing, I think, but I do think sometimes that if I had a sibling, I would be able to at least fake geing receptive to people. But I cannot, since I am not one for fakery. If you are not interesting to me, I will probbaly not associate with you. End of story.. In doing this, I have attempted to alter the definition other have of me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. After all you cannot change people's thoughts of you-they are what they are!
I find that the only child label and the stereotypes that surround it, have been following me around for the last 21 years...lol. Like, if I get that "you should stop being so introspective and anti-social" speel again, I will shoot the person who said it, personally, with my own gun. It is so funny how someone can tell you about you. It is like, how can they? I guess this is what happens when people have been telling you about yourself for years, to the point that you no longer know who you are. This is what growing up is, finding a definition of yourself. I thought I already had that definition, but is seems as if it needs to be revised. Only, I wish that others would see me, as I do. Does that ever happen in life?
OKAY!!!!!!!! Enough of this deepness!!!! Blogs are for fun and shit right? Well, actually, probbaly not my blog......LOL. My blog are for random stream of consciousness thoughts..................LOL.
There is not much time left here, about 10 weeks for me. I am shocked, there is still so much I want to do! I think that these last few weeks will be spent cramming things in, in pictures and experiences. Which brings me to my Carribean food and Hotel Rwanda experience.......the movie still stirs me, the morning after...........but I first must be off to either of these destinations:
2.) regents park
3.) princess diana's memorial in lensington gardens
1.) and getting a damned digital camera!
Out in ANOTHER beautiful day in London! The third day in a row!!!! Yay!! :smiles chessily:
posted by The Eternal Student @ 3:59 AM
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