Lost
I am floundering.I am not motivated anymore about things. I have written before about my lack of interest about things like school work, and my basic indecision about graduate schools. And I feel no close connection to those around me who I used to feel close to and genuinely liked by.
And this school has become a joke to me
I really wish I had not ever stepped foot on this campus. I am doubtful of my picks about graduate school. Something doesn't feel right. I feel like I have not explored all my possible options...
A few weeks ago, I was SURE about BU and Northeastern, but now I am just...not. I mean, what am I going to do about housing? It is ridiculous. Am I being realistic?
I am just hoping not to have a repeat of what happened before here.
Nothing good has happened here. I have gained all the great weight I lost before, I am socially insignificant, and have been a target a racism. Yeah. That is been my college experience and that is a sad truth.
I also feel like I am not living up to my full potential. As if I am destined to do something great somewhere, but I don't know how to get there...where do I go?
Such deep contemplations for a Sunday afternoon.
Man. How did my life get to be this way? I don't know. I am just not even remotely satisfied with anything in my life right now. But how to fix it?
Some lyrics from Coldplay that speak to me:
"Fix You"
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you....
posted by The Eternal Student @ 3:03 AM
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