Waking Up
Well, the weekend was ok. Ok, Saturday night was thoroughly depressing despite the fact that I went of to my friends dorm and watched Mr and Mrs. Smith (overrated!, but I did note the chemisty between Pitt and Jolie) and had a Long Island Ice Tea....But around 11pm, I was right back in my white room. It was boring. Since when did I need to be surrounded by constant amusement and and flutter of people. I am not even sure. Could it have been abroad? No, I don't think so.
I begining to think it is not even people, it is just my need for constant stimulis. I think perhaps it is.
I am genuinely disatisfied with my life. I am young, I rationalize, I can change it. Where is this power and energy that young people my age are supposed to have?
I have never been the typical teen, and even now, 21 year old. But really, is anyone?
I think I have decided to take the Gre Subject test in English...
So I can stay on with the colleges I had before....only, am I sure I really want to go?
I wish I were not so changeable. Why is this happening to me! A month ago I was filled with a sense of imprisionment and suffocation, now I have this need to cling to what I know. I wish I did not feel this way. I need a waking up. I need someone to SHAKE me and say: MAKE A DECISION and stick with it.
I think all this is caused by some unconsious belief that I will make the same mistake in grad as I will in undergrad. I hope not. My God, I hope not.
I don't think I can swing this whole living in a city by myself, paying the rent, having to have a rooomate etc...but the again, isn't that what being an ADULT is? Isn't that life? Maybe that is what I am rejecting. Whatever, who cares WHY I am doing these things, only that I am doing them.
So, I am thinking I will start studying for the gre, go to Barnes and Noble or order the study guide from Amazon.com. I don't think I really have a choice. Either I take the tests required, or I look for all new colleges...too much shit, too little time. So I guess it is the first one then!
But how am I supposed to be visiting these colleges? By myself? I don't want to! But, I may just have to take the greyhound down to Boston, and hop on the T and visit Boston U and Northeasten (not so much into Emerson anymore) As far as NYU, I have seen it before, so I am not worried. I am thinking of finding another school in the city, so I could have a total of 4, which sounds reasonable.
I got my third, and last recommendation ok from a teacher! That is cool. They don't even hesitate! That is good....it could be worse, no one could want to write one for me!
Now how can I jump start this weightloss? Besides grad schools, that is my second concern.
Also, I am considering taking out a loan, and getting driving lessons so I can get mu license. My cousin has a car for a 1,000. In good condition. So the minute I get my license and that 1,000, it is mine! I have to work on that....
As far as naps are concerned, I took one, I think it was about an hour or less. Not too bad, but not really good.....
posted by The Eternal Student @ 9:07 PM
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