All hyped up, and now where to go
Long time no post.A few things have changed. I have begun work as a computer consultant, which is interesting since I am not a computer whiz kid (never thought I would use that word-EVER! Hahaha...) I work 12 hours a week....and have to get up at 8am to work at 830 on campus. Not bad..but early enough for me. So I have a job, at minimum wage. Now that I think of it, I think that I am never satisfied for one main reason: I expect more from myself. I am hard on myself (not excurtiatingly, but enough) and I expect great things to come from my life, not because I am extremely talented, but because I feel like it could happen to me. Maybe my life could come out great...something awesome could happen to me. So I am always thinking and trying to get ahead.
But I have reached a road block. A serious accident prevents me from following the road. It's stopped me in my tracks. Apparently, I need to face reality. I have dreams of great things, and all this while, I thought I had direction. But, alas, a third professor, I have spoken to (who I never have even had, but who, because of the gossipy English faculty here, has mentioned my "good qualities." She says I could do well. But I have to figure out what I want to do (Editing) and if that requires an MA (no, it actually doesn't) but I feel like I need to go to grad, just finish the next two years....just do it. Get it over with, THEN decide what I want to do....but those high cities I held in idealization are not looking good....no money, no support system...no...nothing.
So, what am I to do? Work at same job I had last summer...save up? Take driving lessons this winter, take out a loan and buy my cousins car? Work during the spring semester, saving up. Then, a whole year later, apply? Narrow down my search and go after it?
I don't have time to waste. I would be wasting time. Any time that is not in school, I have ben taught, is waste. I don't want a 9-5 job. What the hell is that? I don't teach either. I could see myself working in a publishing company in the city. I am very good at detail and writing. I can spot and error or a good piece of writing, quickly and offer constructive criticism. I could see myself w/ my own desk at a company. I really could. But would I be happy? I guess....as long as you have a job you should be.....but....on to something else..
My roomate pissed me off last night. I have come to, in the alst two months, realize some things about her. We have been cool, throughout, but still, my observational skills take no breaks. The thing that really bothers me, is that she has no sympathy. No compassion. No "oh, I feel bad" it is always, "Well, that is the way it is. You cannot change it" I like people w/ more heart, more emotions on the surface. I think she is not as nice as people think she is. It is so sad when you find out something about someone that you don't like. That is what makes people disappointing. This is what makes people so sad, in my point of view. Is no one sacred? I don't know. My roomate and I got into a little tiff, which is why I bring this up. See, here is the thing with me...if something happens, it is never little. If I am affected by it, it is a big thing. Lately I have been letting things roll of me (I think going abroad helped me with this) and I have come to accept certain things.
In general, she is ok, but, I am just fed up w/ everyone I think. We have fun, we laugh and stuff, but despite that, I do not really know her.
But, people always amaze me. I think in general, I am in very Hobbesian in my view of people...which could be a good or bad thing....
posted by The Eternal Student @ 12:11 PM
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