Forever Trying
I cannot seem to describe what is going on/what has been going on into words. I am just at a loss. I am leaving England in 3 days, 4 if you count the day of that I am leaving. I am very sad about this. I don't feel like going into the Paris trip, or people who have left here already, or that my flatmate is leaving tomorrow morning and I'll be the only American left here in this flat....I am just so sad...it is shame. What is even more a shame is that I want to be surrounded by tons of people all the time just to keep myself from crying or feeling miserable about it. If there were only enough people around to fill the void.....perhaps I'll take a stab at writing about this when I get home. Right now, I am too immearsed my feelings to put them down. Today I go to Harrods, with the flatmates and her friends, who are also partially my friends as well.Sunday I think I am just going to hit up the Theater Museum, Victoria and Albert Musuem, and probably Harrods again on my own.
Monday, I may meet up with "Rich Girl" who I am rettracting, since she is one of the people who has displayed the most "friend" behaviour to me, she was the one offering me money when I had none, and she also, was the one to warn me of another girl who I thought was my friend, but turns out was talking trash about me after our trip to Paris. So, yeah, her name is Gerri. She is a funny girl, very busy girl. I imagine perhaps since we live in the same State, we'll meet up again, she is pushing this PR trip in October...now I cannot predict the future, but I can guarantee I will be broke in October as well as now. But I am sure we will meet again.
My flatmate, well I will im her. We really didn't start to talk and do stuff until April, which is a shame! But we had many a movie night and Budgens (corner store) run, and Indian at Brick Lane, and Friends re-reuns/and a memorable Julia "My Best Friends Wedding" movie flashback! She is nice, and she has been nice to me. So, what can I say?
My friend Christina "it too bad we didn't meet up and talk sooner" Marable, is one of those people who is really cool. We just sit and talk. And she doesn't trash me for not going only with the general concensous. We'll have to meet again, we even spoke about a trip to California, which would be nice because I find myself facinated by California, and I may be attending school there as well.
Well, I thought Traci was a real friend, and that she was the most concrete of people, but after Paris, and what she said about me to Gerri and a bunch of other people about me, I can no longer associate with her. I will give her her DVD back, and call it a day. Too bad for her. Otherwise she'd be on the list of memorable characters.
The people I came here talking to, the "original group" disbanded a month later, but I did see Sara, and told her I wished her well here, as she is continuing on here for the fall. Good luck with that shit! I am sure she wil do well.
Anequa, well she did not like me at the end, but not before I disliked her for what I thought was phoniness. BUt I am not one for being mean to people. So, I kept is civil.
I have met other people here, but not closely, those were the main characters, and as Christina said last night when trying to chear me up":
"I can count on one hand the amount of people I have not wanted to hit upside the head with a bag of nickels"
Well, I say, that is more people than I have met who I have not wanted to hit!
Feeling kind of like this trip/experience was all for naught. What have I gained? I don't feel any real connection to people I have met, although they are nice. I am completely in debt, and I am....whatever. I don't even want to write about it anymore.
I will be forever trying to figure these last 5 months out. I am just going to do as much as possible these last three days, and hang out with as many people as possible, to fill the void.
I pray everything is well back home. I pray there is something left there for me, and no one has forgotten me. I hope they really haven't.
posted by The Eternal Student @ 12:45 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home