Friendship Without Cues
Well, yesterday was a very eventful day. I worke up at 12, as I did not go to sleep until 4am, and began work on my paper, saying it had to be done today-it just had to and....etc...You know what, I don't feel like writing about the stupid shit I did yesterday. I want to write about friendship.
Me and Mary have been friends since we were 10 yrs old. 11 years. Whe have had mnay issues and it hasn;t been easy sometimes to be friends as we have both changed in many ways since then. But, I realized this morning as I thought reading the latest news, that I have to hand it to her-she, no matter what, has always been there for me. If I had a problem, needed some advice-anything really. She was there. Period. And lately she has been having issues, and bet when she did, she wrote me in a way that only she could, and I know she was thinking: She will understand me, she will know what to do. And that is what friendship is about.
Not once has she ever tried to cut me down as a person, or make me feel less than her, or anything in that way. She was always there and I know that if something happens and I need someone to listen, she will be there. Period. This is not written to glaze over and make the friendship seem perfect, because it hasn't been and it still isn't. I just wanted to write this as a kind of appreciation for the moment, as I have a tendency to skim over such moments.
All of this was bought on by what happened last night. The same shit that always happens when I go along with a group of individulas in which I share no common denominator. I realized that is why I have felt so odd and out of place, and been treated this way: they don't know what to make of me, so in order to make themselevs feel better and more safe, they rag on me with the same feeble jokes and the whole thing is just one on going rididuclouly produced multiple act play. And they all play the parts, and they assign me my part, yet, I never once asked for that part, and I don't play it, but they keep feeding me lines.
Hanging around them takes energy for me really. That is why I cannot do it often. When I am with these people individually, the play is on hiatus, and they can be themselves, and I am accepted as a person. But, together, in a group, people take thier roles and the monologues ensue.
The thing that I don't like is being assigned a role by someone. And being painted a certain way to a group of people, when I couldn't be further from the truth, and this is what is always done when I am with them. Now, maybe I am being to serious, but like that saying goes, nothing that stirs you emotionally is stupid of irrelavent. At home, I am assigned roles, I am the "smart one", the one who "always has a entertaining story" Those assignments are fine, confining at times, but for the most part, positive and are done in good nature.
To my friends back home, if I make a comment, it is simply a comment and we move on. No one gripes about my nature as a person, or the things I do, the way I act, and that is what I appreciate. They all accept me and that is one of those things that will be most welcoming when I return, knowing that people enjoy my company and genuine accept me. So with this in mind, I am sending Mary an e-mail telling her I apprecite her friendship. Because, for once I am living in the moment, and not pre-planning my actions to see if they will be taken the way I want to, but just winging it. So, lets hope for positive energy and friendship without cues.
posted by The Eternal Student @ 2:27 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home