Stasis
I don't want to go anywhere, do anything, or see anyone really. We'll actually this is not true, there are places I haven't been, I do want to do things, and I want to hang around people. BUT, I cannot do so, without feeling extreme guilt-money is at the root. Now that I have it, I am reluctant to spend it, however on the negative side, I am also not doing anything else in London. It is nice to just window shop-to look, peruse and not buy. Such a feeling of accomplishment! I love it, I really do. But, I have not a thing to do. I am weary of doing anything, that costs more than 10 pounds ($20) and I really don't want to run out of money again, or keep withdrawing, as I am still unsure about job prospects.Today, I am considering for the 3rd time, going to see James Dean in Rebel w/o a Cause at the National Film Institiute. I have immensely enjoyed the last two movies I have seen there: Anatomy of a Murder, and Porgy and Bess. These are movies rarely shown on tv, and also these were my big chances to see Jimmy Stewart and Sidney Portier, and Dorothy Dandridge on the big screen-and it was truly amazing. Names really meant something back then, and when you saw that name splayed across the screen you know you are getting something good. I am a fan of James Dean. Yes, like every other girl, I find him really hot, and yeah, I enjoy the intensity of his persona and acting chops. I have never seen Rebel fully, but it is a classic, not sure if I want to pay 650 or so to see it ($12-13). Then again, if you approach everything in London as a once in a lifetime experience (the way I was when in those joyful days of March and April) then yes, I should go.
But, I just don't want to. I just want to sleeep and do nothing, yet contradictorily, I want to be static; remain in my place. When I stay on the East end, I rarely spend money....and besides, I have Paris to think about. Need to conserve for Paris. And have money when I go back home. So Dean, will just have to wait I suppose-at least until after Paris when they are showing his last film- Giant, made with Elizabeth Taylor and Rock Hudson....now that is an big movie I will pay 12 bucks for! We'll actually, I would not pay 12 bucks.....perhaps I shouls have stopped converting a while ago?.........whatever, if I were going to go, I would be leaving now, which I am not, so, I do believe I will be hanging around, not studying for my exam on Thursday....
:sighs:
I don't know what is going on with me! Oh well, tomorrow I'll do something......maybe.
posted by The Eternal Student @ 5:25 PM
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