A Long Day
So many inner thoughts...I could never possibly get them all down. I am at an odd place right now. Preparing to leave London, but still trying to get all of London in. Today was supposed to be Madame Tussads, but it was 22 gbp ($44) to see WAX. At first I was disappointed because when I have an idea stuck in my mind, or a plan, I like to keep it. But, my friend had the good judgement to realize that it wasn't worth it, especially when later at 5pm, we could get tickets for 13 gbp!What is going on with Britain. I mean it. Like....what are we opperating on peak hours for Madame Tussauds? What is that about? London just wants to take all your money..it does, it wants to send your already debted college ass back to the States even MORE broke then when you arived. YUp. That is it. It is a conspiracy (and not a very veiled one at that).
We did have lunch at Covent Garden as we did not manage to have any breakfast, it was alright..a 6.95 meal, plus my first taste of bailey's coffee. It was fine.
We then, disappointed with the wax place, decided that it would be a wasted day if we did nothing, so we went to teh Brit Museum....I realy enjoy that place....took a lot of pics ( at first I thought it was just my excitement in having the camera, but now I realize that I am just captured by the beauty of everything I see...) that was fun...there was an accident somewhere again on the train tracks. Ughh, I wish these people would leave the train tracks alone! My god, can I just make it back to Mile End in one piece? Really. At least today I did not have a headache like the last 2-3 days I have had on the tube. Something about the lack of proper ventiliation and the pressing of bodies close together...and probably the standing as well. It is hell. I hate it, I really do. The fucking bloody tube.
But, I'll miss London though....I do.
I got a chance to speak to one of my friends, Jennifer at school, who for the life of me, I could never get in touch with online! She explained that she had been busy. I had to tell her I wouldn't make it to her graduation : ( This saddens me. I ahve known her since I was a freshman! And we got along especially well last semester when I moved to her floor after I rid of my less than hygenic roomate to live with Ybelka, the RA. That all proved a smart move, as me and her will be living together again. I will miss Jennifer. She is always so funny.....I realize that those are the people I like best-people who can make me laugh.....I enjoy laughing, just a good hearty laugh..the kind that makes you clap or slap your thigh, your moth exapading in a wide grin. I love that. And there is nothing like making someone else laugh.
Well, she is graduating, and so are some others that I like as well.
The school has not bought out the best in me socially, or maybe it has, but I do not see it. But, academically I ahve flourished, but that all bores me now. I want to have A's but I want to have fun...really fun. I don't know what that encompases yet, but I want something different. I hope that me and Ybelka get along well this year....I guess if we got along well in one semester, the next should be just as good. She was never there, so I am hoping that if she does stay more in the room, we will not fray eachothers nerves....I hope.
So, there are 4 weeks left..not even, I ahve to call and change my plane ticket date, to the week of the 24th..possibly the 27th. I think I should end it with London abruptly, which would be the 24th...drawing it out will not be good I feel. I wil get sad and cry, like I am on the verge of doing right now for some odd reason.
I have such regrets....this trip was supposed to be something different, I was supposed to become....I don't know.....I was supposed to branch out, meet guys, be reckless. But I have stayed in tact. Maybe that is not my nature. I feel boring, so utterly boring. At first I was excited about leaving, but now I really don't want to go home, I just want to get back to the place I know...but not home with my mother and my friends and stuff....I only seem to miss them when I am fed up with people here, but when I am with my friends here, I don't even think about them.
I feel like my life is in stasis. As if I have been not moving forward or backward since sophmore year. I am sick of my life the way it is. I hate it. I want to be something more, but I don't know what that is. I am afraid of graduate school, where I am going to go.....if I can leave my mom and not feel guilt this time. What will I do about her? I don't know.
I have also been thinking that I have been heartbroken, memories of the last person I really fell for has been coming back. Why? And now he is off to a new life, and I am stuck in this place. The next guy I fall for, will have to become something to me, I will have to make something of that one. No more of this being alone with no relationship. I think once I finally have a decent one, my life will change. I really feel it.
Anyway, I must take a nap, and pretend to write my paper.
posted by The Eternal Student @ 9:04 PM
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